Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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