i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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