jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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