Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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