***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
