I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
