I am puke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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