paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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