my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
