Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
