so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
