my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We had to coat check the pizza.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
