Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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