Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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