i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So squirting runs in the family.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
