Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
