i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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