So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
