Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
