Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
