'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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