Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize