how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
