Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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