my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
