I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
