Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
