When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And then my night got REAL pukey
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
