shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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