i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
