I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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