Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
