Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
