New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
