I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
