Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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