I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
