More tranny stories later!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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