where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize