p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
