I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Are we still banned from the library?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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