Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
