her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
