the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
