I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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