I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sponge bath it is.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
