I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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