At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
