SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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