I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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