i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
