A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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