I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize