I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there was a trapeze. enough said
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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