Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
