You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
