I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
