i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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