Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
