my phone needs a breathalizer
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
