she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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