Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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