Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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