Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
