Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
