I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
