I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
