Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
