he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
