Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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