You smell like stripper and shame
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
