census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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