hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
