omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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