You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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