it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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