Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
