I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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