We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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