Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize