And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
