would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
