I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
