you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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