she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
