im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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