Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
