I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
