Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
