alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
