Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
barbara walters just said penis...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
