i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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