I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
